Our story starts out in a small town in Mississippi, a little girl named Lindsay (called Lance for short) is out walking her dog Toby..er..Toto, when the weather starts getting bad.
"Oh no," Lance cries, "We must get to the storm shelter!"
They don't make it in time so they hide out in the house. After a few minutes the storm picks up a lot more, and whisks Lance and Toby/Toto off to a magical place.
Lance wakes up and thinks, "I hope my make-up didn't smear," then thinks, "Oh, where am I?!" So he goes outside.
As soon as he sets his foot outside he is MOBBED by hundreds of 8-15 year old "munchkins." Some are dressed like him and his friends. All are much too young for him to take interest in. So he grabs Toby/Toto and takes off running down the Yellow Brick Road.
After awhile he sees something in the distance--it appears to be an oversized gorilla hanging from a stick. When he gets closer, he realizes with a laugh that it's just Joey!
Joey looks at Lance and says, "I've been hanging here for 2 days! I'm HUNGRY! Get me down and FEED me!"
So Lancey-poo helps Joey off the stick. As soon as he does, Joey breaks into song.
"If...your...head's an empty kettle,
And you deserve a medal
For thinking very plain,
I'd stop treating girls demeaning,
And I'd stop my goddamn eating
If..I..only had a brain."
On that note, he grabbed Toto/Toby out of Lance's arms and ate him alive! ***And that my friends is how Toto REALLY died!***
But anyway, Lance thought the song was wonderful, and explained to Joey about how he was off to see the Wizard so he could get home...after all, there is NO make-up in Odd. Lance then showed Joey his "beautiful ruby high heels." Awww....and Joey agreed to join him.
A little ways down the road, they run into a guy in a "chrome plated" outfit, just like all the homies wit' their chrome...knowwatimsayin?
Joey cries out "Wow that looks like J-Dawg!" They hear the guy try to speak. It sounds like he's saying "Mah Benz," and they laugh when they realize he is actually saying "oil can." They are so used to hearing "Mah Benz"...they just assumed that was it. So, they oil his FUBU shirt, and J-Dawg starts moving.
The first thing he says is "Damn, yo, ah been standin' here all rusted and shit fo like 2 days foo, what be takin' ya'll so long....gawtdamn!" He then bursts into song...
"When...yo...pickin' up the bitches,
And makin' lotsa riches
Ya don't know where to start...
Maybe ah'd stay wit one woman,
And ah'd talk just like a human...
If...ah...only had a heart."
So Lance and Joey offer to take Justin along with them, IF he acts normal. BUT...first he has to let them both hit him, just once. Because after all, if it wasn't for Justin..Joey and Lance might be popular and actually get to sing. (I said MAYBE, they probably wouldn't be.)
So Justin agrees, cuz he really wants that heart. He also wants to get home, he misses his Benz, and so the two guys both hit him with a huge bitch-slap...
Hours later they run into another character. They spot him hiding behind a tree...afraid to come out.
Justin yells, "Get yo bitch-ass out here yo, ah wanna axe who you be." So the guy sheepishly comes out from behind the tree.
He seems very shy and quiet. They ask his name and he says "CJ" (his name has been changed to protect his identity.) Lance asks him if something is wrong and he starts to sing...
"When...you're...really tall and skinny,
You're teeth are really gritty,
And all your friends act young
I would really like to holler
That their be-have-your is awful,
But I just don't got the balls!"
Lance says, "CJ you are trying to act like out dad again, you NEED to start having some fun, and pickin up the women." After saying "pickin' up the women" Lance gives Justin the THUMBS-UP, after all Justy taughty him that
saying!
Then Joey (who doesn't realize that CJ is talking about THEM) says, "Well CJ, we will get you those balls, and then you can tell your friends how much you hate them!" Lance and Justin smack Joey in the back of the head, but
he just continues to look confused.
They are getting closer, when all of a sudden...a little crazy looking flying monkey starts coming after them! As it gets closer they realize how UGLY it is, and see it's god-awful hair.
When it gets even closer and lands they realize with a chuckle that's it's just Chris. Of course they take the little monkey with them. So they join arms (which CJ and Justin seem to enjoy a little too much) and skip off on their merry way to Odd.
Upon reaching Odd, they meet the Wizard. He tells them to get what they want they must first destroy the witch...and bring back something to prove it.
Later on they meet the witch...
They see her cooking something in her cauldren, and hear her singing, but she can't hear them or see them. All they hear is "Ohh Baby Baby," and they realize its Spears.
Chris says, "How are we going to get rid of this skank?"
After some thought they decide to use the oldest trick in the book. They know how a girls mind works and what makes her the angriest, so they all hit her with an insult they know will piss her off.
Joey jumps out and yells, "Oh my god, you have a HAIR out of place!!"
Justin follows with, "Your outfit doesn't MATCH!"
At this time, Brit seems to be going through shock..she can't handle their harsh words.
Next, Lance hits her with, "Mariah Carey rules!"
Then comes CJ with, "Lance dances better than YOU!"
Lance looks a little hurt, but Britney is even more distraught...she drops to her knees clutching her "manufactured" chest.
Then, Chris hits her with the worst..."You are UGLY!"
This is all to much for her, and her silicon boobs POP!
She screams "I'm melting.." and falls to a puddle on the floor. They decide to take her hair back to the Wizard to show she's gone. (A bald Spears..hehe...wouldn't that be a sight to see?)
Later, back at the Wizard's castle....
Justin looks irritated. "Yo, Wizzy-wiz, we done gotch you dat hair, so hook me up wit dat heart".
CJ adds "Yes sir, please give me some balls, I really need to tell these people what I think of them."
They all give CJ a LOOK, except Joey, who has wandered over to a curtain and is..you guessed it, eating it.
The gang hears a BUUUURP, and glances over at where the curtain USED to be. All they see now is Lou Pearlman standing at a machine!
Lance says, "Oh no, we've been tricked," and starts to cry. (He then gets smacked by four people, you can guess who they are.)
Justin adds, "Bump dis, you ain't no wizard! What da hell, dis be all types 'a wack!"
Lou hits them with "Guys, actually I am a wizard to you. If it wasn't for me look where you would be. Chris..you'd be on Social Security. Lance..you would still be a female on a farm. Justin...you wouldn't even have "Da Benz". CJ...you'd still be in rehab. And Joey...you would probably be in a circus!"
All the guys just sit for a minute, then realize he is RIGHT, and rush up to him with a group hug! (Again, CJ and Justin enjoy it a little TOO much). But...there is a HAPPY ending. Lou decides if he got rid of Lance by sending
him home, gave J-Dawg a heart, Joey some brains, and CJ a little nerve...the group might bring him even more money! So, he grants their wishes...and they all get what they want.
Ding dong, the witch is dead! 
Awwww! Follow the yellow brick road! |
