Chapter 1--Lookin Fly
If you be like me, then you like lookin good so da girlies all over you. First, git yo self a big ol gold chain and make sure you got yo initials on it, or da ladies ain't gon know yo name. Then git yo self some fly threads. Make sure all yo clothes be big, shiny, and have alots o room fo yo "dragon." (Yo, to all you homeboys, NEVER choke yo dragon. Take care of it or it gon turn on yo ass.)
Chapter 2--Big Pimpin' Pick-up Lines
Try any of dese guaranteed ta work JRT pick-up lines to be gettin yoself a fine ass hoe for da night.
"If one o yo legs be Christmas, an da otha be Easter, can I visit yo between da holidays?"
"Yo pants are like a mirror, I can see myself in dem."
"My doo-rags have otha purposes ya know."
"The name's Lake...Timba Timba Timbalake! Remember dat cause yo be screamin' it all night long!"
"Yo, if you was a desk, I'd take out all yo nails and screw yo ass."
"I be a collector from da Head Foundation--Please give generously, yo."
"You be Catholic?? Then git on yo knees and tell me I'm yo god."
Chapter 3--Arrivin In Style
When yo ass pull up to da club in yo Benz, make sho that tha skanks don't crush yo fine ass while yo be gettin' out. Yo don't need yo fine ass fro be gettin' messed up befo yo get to da high quality hoes. Drive dat phat Benz around da block a few times til all da honeys see yo ride and know yo ass be bad. Afta yo get outta yo Benz, make yo way into da club. Don't pick up no chicks till yo in da club, that be where all da goods one be hidin'.
Chapter 4--Gettin Wit Da Honeys
Don't go to da honeys, make dem come to yo. An make sho dat yo don't hook up wit the nasty sluts, cause yo ass don't need no STD's. Dat burnin' when yo be peein' is no good sign, yo. An yo don't want no weird bugs be in yo pants. If they is anything movin in your pants besides yo dragon, that be so whack. Yo don't get no hoes dat way. Don't be buyin' no drinks fo da honeys, dey gots da money, make dem buy drinks demselves. Spend yo money on more gold chains to make yoself look fly.
Chapter 5--Hookin' Up
When yo fine self finally meets da hoe of yo dreams, make sho no otha playas come steal yo hoe. She be yo bitch an no one else's...that is till yo find a betta lookin hoe. Befo yo do da major hookup, make sho dat she clean, cause like I stated befo, STDs be whack, yo. Impress yo hoe wit your mad beatboxin' an rappin' skills. Da honeys be likin dat! Yo fine ass best be havin some phat dance moves too, dat impresses da ladies too.
Chapter 6--Back At Yo Crib
Git da honey in yo fly Benz and take her back to yo place. Don't let ha ass git comforable, she won't be they long. Don't be singin da ho none of yo songs--if she be wantin to hear yo sing, her ass can buy da CD like everyone else. Git da hoe a drink from yo bar and tell her to get her skanky ass in yo bedroom. Impress her wit da mirrors on yo ceiling and da platnium records on yo walls. She be a lucky bitch to hook up wit yo rich self. Yo don't waste no time talkin to da ho now--yo ass got business ta git done.
Chapter 7--Gittin Freaky
Tell dat ho to git on yo bed. She be impressed wit yo leopard print, crushed velvet sheets. All da hoes love da crushed velvet. Tell her to take ha clothes and you be gittin all freaky on her ass. Make sure she be on da pill so yo don't git da ho pregnant an have to give ha ass da child support. Yo dragon don't wear no shield cuz yo fine ass don't have to. Da honey best not have no STDs if she know what be good fo her. And yo know yo fine ass be clean. Git freaky on her ass--make sho she ain't be screamin an givin yo a headache. And make sure yo watch yo fine self in da mirrors. After, tell her skanky ass to git outta yo crib.
Chapter 8--Yo Ass Alone
After yo kick da bitch out, git yo ass in a big ol robe wit yo initials on it, an go git yo ass some gin an juice and sit on yo balcony. Take da time ta reflect on yo night. You was lookin fly and mackin it like a true playa be doin. Yo scored yoself a fly ho and yo got all freaky on ha ass. Now yo ass be a true Pimp Daddy. Git yoself to a mirror an smile at yo fine self and don't be forgetin who you be. You be Justin Timberlake, da most fly Pimp Daddy in da world.
Chapter 9--Playin Da Field
Remember dat there are lots o honeys for yo fine ass ta hook-up wit. Don't be settlin for no one ho. Play da field and be scopin' what there be to offa. Git yo ass to a club again da next night and check out da scene. If dere aint no hoes dere dat yo like, den get yo fine ass back in yo Benz an go to a betta club. Yo be pimpin' hoes nation wide!
Check out dat style yo. Wit dose kinda threads, yo be pickin' up da honeys like ma fly ass be! I be da original Mac Daddy!! |
