Dear Diary,
Wait, that sounds too corny, I'll call you "Busta". My therapist said I should get you and write in you to relieve the bottled up anger and stress I've felt lately. First of all, I'd like to clear the air and say once and for all, Lance sucks dick... not mine of course, only Joey's. He's the biggest pussy I've ever seen. He can't even throw a fucking ball, unless it belongs to one of the band members. God, what am I doing? I am 27 years old, no family, no freedom, no poontang, I had shitty hair, and I'M IN A BOY BAND WITH A BUNCH OF ADOLENCENT ASSHOLES! Last night I rolled over in my bunk and I rolled right on top of Lance. WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING IN MY BED?! I've had it with that dickwad trying to get in my pants. Christ, the only reason I have this job is so I don't have to move back in with my mom and go on welfare and food stamps. Every day when I go in the studio, it's like I walk into a fucking circus... JC's bouncing off the ceiling, Joey's having his breakfast, which consists of 5 egg mcmuffins and an apple pie, Lance is humping one of my dogs, and Justin is mooning someone out the car window of his new Benz. Well that's all for today, I have to go back on stage and watch them dance like a bunch of buffoons on crack. Uh, sounds like Joey and JC combined! Hehe, I just crack myself up. I hate my life!
~Chris
Dear Busta,
That sounds so much better than "dear diary". That's something gay that Lance would write. Speaking of Lance... he was still making moves on me today. I told him to FUCK OFF 10 times, but he just doesn't get it. AAAHHHH! Sorry, JC just came flying towards me. And now Justin's trying to talk to me in ebonics... WHY ME GOD??? All's I wanted was to make some money and now I've lost my sanity! Ooh, gotta run before Lance comes back and disturbs my peace and quiet.
~Chris
Dear Busta,
Hehehehe, I just set one of Lance's Beanie Babies on fire! It was his favorite one too! I held it right in front of him and lit it on fire. HE CRYED!!! I laughed my ass off. He just screamed, "NOT SNIPS! NOOOOOO!" Talk about a stress reliever! All the guys cheered me on as I lit the Beanie on fire, as Lance broke down and cryed. It was so great! I can't wait till I make the huge bonfire out of them! Must find more Beanies, must find more Beanies, MUST FIND MORE BEANIES!!!!!
~Chris
Dear Busta,
I think I'm going insane... no really, I'm serious this time. Just send me off to the looney bin, oh wait, I think I'm already there, it's called the tour bus! How much more can I take of these guys? Joey and his hoes, Justin and his ebonics, JC and his never ending energy.. he was bouncing around at 4 in the morning today, and Lance... everything he does gets on my nerves. I remember back when we were shooting the "I drive myself crazy" video, how I almost choked him with my straightjacket. Why didn't I go through with it? Moment of stupidity on my part. If I would've just killed him then, I wouldn't be as crazy as I am right now. Oh no, gotta go to the damn meet-n-greet and pretend I'm happy.
~Chris
Dear Busta,
I had a great dream last night! I dreamed that Justin and JC got kicked out of the band for severely beating Lance in public and I got to be in charge and sing their solos! I put Busta and Korea in place of them and then I kicked Lance out. I invited my good (and I mean GOOD) friend, Ron Irizarry, to take Lance's place. I mean, Ron sucks as a musician and all, but he's better and less annoying than Lance. I let Joey stay since he brings in the hoes that someday I hope to get some action from. Back to reality...I just heard a scream so I bet Korea peed in Lance's caboodle again... Gotta go get my camera and catch this Kodak moment, heehee...
~Chris
Dear Busta,
Today I switched JC's crack supply with sugar. He hardly noticed the difference, as the sugar made him almost as high as the crack does. He did say it was rather grainy though... muhahahaha
~Chris
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