Meatball Heaven... An *Nsync Humor Page
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Picture this in 5 years: VH1's popular series behind the music covers the real story behind the #1 boyband-*Nsync. Here's the real story, before they'll play it on TV!

Fame, fortune, icon status... all the benefits of being in the world's most successful boyband. But what goes on behind the scenes, where drug use, binge eating, and sex is a regular occurance? Here's the story you DON'T know... next on VH1's Behind the Music: *Nsync.

For years, Justin Timberlake, JC Chasez, Joey Fatone, Chris Kirkpatrick, and Lance Bass dreamed of making it big. In 2000, their wish finally came true, and in a big way. After releasing their 2nd album, No Strings Attached, the boys skyrocketed into superstardom. The album broke records, and the boys were finally the top boyband in the world. No Backstreet Boys could take them down now! They started to make plans to embark on a world tour in promotion of the new album. Little did they know how they're lives would change....
As the boys prepared for the tour, and the tour quickly sold out, stress became normal to them. All the new choreography was sometimes too much to handle. Justin soon turned to wicked blonde pop stars to make the pain go away. JC fed his drug addiction even more, Joey got more and more hoes pregnant, Chris tryed commiting suicide several times a day, and Lance bought thousands of dollars worth of cosmetics and a ferret. Despite all these things, *Nsync still got the show together. It was ready for the millions of rabid, horny, fans that wanted to see lots of crotch grabbing.
As the tour started, so did all the backstage "fun." When Joey couldn't get a hoe, he often setttled for Lance, making Lance very happy, yet often depressed that he was no longer good enough for Joey all the time. Sex was regular on the No Strings Attached Tour, as JC and Justin were getting it on as well, and Busta was in a constant humping mode. Let's just say that no one's legs were safe.
Drug use, well, drug use was popular only in JC's bunk, as he became more and more aquainted with his needle friends and white powder.
Joey began binge eating, but not exercising any of it off. On a 2 hour trip, the bus would have to stop at at least 10 McDonald's on they way to feed his appetite.
Lance's depression from Joey's rejection, led him to spend his money like never before. He bought pretty dresses and cosmetics, but still wasn't happy. He was in a pet store one day, seeking companionship, when he found his ferret, Dirk. "He was just so adorable, and I needed someone to listen to me so badly, since Joey was never around, so I bought him. I know it was too much to spend on a pet, but I couldn't help myself. I just felt this bond with him," Bass says.
As the tour went on, one memorable stop, was the one in Chris's hometown of Pittsburgh, PA. "I remember seeing these 3 girls, and they just blew our minds!" Timberlake recalls, "They were all the way up in Peanut Heaven, but their radiance just glowed the whole way down on the stage. We said, we have to meet these girls, we just have to!"
So *Nsync was on the hunt for these 3 girls, later identified as Leah, Nicki, and Marisa from nearby Johnstown, PA. They soon found them sitting on a street, waiting for their ride to come and get them. Justin, JC, and Joey came and rescued the girls from the street and took them in their limo. What happened from their is not appropriate for all viewers, so let's just say that they had a good time that night. This was just one of the times, *Nsync gave into their urge to know their fans better.
As the tour was winding down, *Nsync was winding up. The rowdy nights and the sleepless mornings were usual around the tourbus. They soon grew tired of each other and began to get hostile. The last few dates of the tour were spent not talking to each other. Justin often flew Britney in, whom the other guys despised, despite the media saying that they were the closest of friends.
As Justin and Britney grew closer, the guys grew farther apart. Joey only cared about his food, Chris didn't care about anything, Lance just wanted on Joey more than anything, and JC was growing closer and closer to OD'ing on crack. All the while, *Nsync kept growing in popularity. They got so popular, they decided that to keep the top boyband spot, they should go on a second leg of the No Strings Attached Tour.
"Another tour was unimaginable," Chasez says, "We were growing so tired of each other, and we could barely even stand to be around one another anymore." But they embarked on yet another mind blowing tour, also selling out in record time.
As the next tour began and ended, *Nsync went in to record their 3rd album. Though all the relations were strained, they all were money hungry to feed their bad habits. Justin needed to keep Britney happy, JC needed more drugs, Joey needed more food, Chris needed more dogs, and Lance desperately wanted that sex change-hoping Joey would finally love him if he had it done. Their egos hardly all fit in the same room, but still they continued on trying to finish the album.
"We had to make some changes to keep some of the band member happy..." Timberlake says, "Joey, Lance, and Chris were sick of not having the solos that they 'deserved'."
JC and Justin were not thrilled about giving up all their solos, but knew they would have to, to keep the band together.
On one fateful night, while the guys were working late in the studio, they heard a sudden knock at the door. To their surprise, it was Lou Pearlman, still pissed off that he wasn't in total control of *Nsync's careers. What happened next was so shocking and horrifing to even imagine.
*Tearing Up* "I don't know what really happened, it was such a blur. I see Lou barge into the studio, he grabbed Chris and devoured him whole. I don't know why he had to take him away from us, it's just so wrong! I miss him every day that goes by and I always think of him..." Bass tearfully said as he thought of his fallen bandmate and friend.
"He always wanted to die; he tryed committing suicide many times, but in the end, he shouldn't have been taken away from us so soon," Fatone says.
With Chris gone and the rest of the guys in deep mourning over the loss, *Nsync was bound to be done for. The fans still wanted to see the band live on, but there was no way in stopping what was bound to happen. With the end of *Nsync, the boys could finally pursue their true happiness...
JC Chasez went to drug rehab, wanting to kick his bad habits so he can cash in on a successful solo career. He's now married to Marisa, who is a musician in his band. "Yes, I miss *Nsync; I miss the guys, they were like family to me. I am happy to be out to finally get all the attention and the recognition I deserve for being the best singer in the world."
Justin Timberlake finally ditched Britney Spears, even after getting her pregnant twice. He tryed pursuing a rap career, but ulitmately failed. "I don't know why mah fly ass didn't be mo successful in mah rappin' career. I be da flyest homie out dere, yo! Dis be whack!" Justin is now married to his soulmate, Leah.
Joey Fatone skyrocketed to a weight of 500 pounds, but then soon discovered the error of his ways, and became the new Weight Watchers spokesperson. Joey made sweet money by pimpin the ladies, so he could take care of his wife, Nicki. "I still miss all the memories of *Nsync. I'll never be that successful again, but I'll always have my big pimpin memories... HEY! HOW YOU DOIN??"
Lance Bass finally got that sex change that he always wanted. Lori Bass now lives in Mississippi with his husband, Dirk the ferret and their 2 children. "I don't love Dirk as much I loved Joey, but I'm happy. I hope Joey is happy, even though he let the best piece of ass he ever got go!"
Chris Kirkpatrick now rests in peace. If Chris could talk right now, we bet he'd say, "Damn Lou Pearlman, having to go and eat me! I hope Busta attacked his ass!"
So thus ends the story of *Nsync. Always remember, if you ever become a part of a successful boyband, watch out for fat, ex-management to come along ready to eat the helpless one of the group.