Don't get us wrong--we love Joey. But we do realize that he, uh, likes doing the horizontal jam. But, nowadays, being a star and getting poontang isn't as easy as it used to be. A guy has to be careful. So here is the statement Joey's attorneys drew up for his, uh, hobby.
I,__________, am under 18 and have agreed to participate in various sexual acts with Joseph Anthony Fatone Jr. I accept the following terms and conditions of this statement. I realize this is a legally binding contract with the afore mentioned, and in violating it, I am subject to criminal prosecution.
Terms of Waiver
1) Whatever happens between me and Joey will stay between me and Joey.
2) I will not go to the press or tell anyone about the events that happened between me and Joey. If I do, Joey and *Nsync will disavow all knowledge of my story.
3) If I become pregnant with Joey's baby, I will not seek child support or try to contact Joey about our love-child.
4) If I contract any sexually transmitted diseases, it was not from Joey. I am a slut who sleeps around.
5) If I am under 13, absolutely NONE of Joey's meatballs for me.
6) If I am 14 or 15, my time with Joey is limited to 2 hours.
7) If I am 14 or 15, I my only participate in the following sexual acts with Joey:
Intercourse of any kind is not permitted.
8) If I am 16, 17, or 18, I must show identification and proof of age.
9) If I am 16, 17, or 18, I have unlimited time with Joey. All sexual acts are permitted.
10) I realize no cameras, video recorders, or flash photography is allowed. Signs and posters are also prohibited.
11) If I choke on a meatball, it is not Joey's fault.
12) I cannot sue for coverage of hospital bills if Joey falls on me while swinging from a trapeze.
13) In the event of getting any bodily fluid in my eye, I will thoroughly wash it out before continuing.
14) Joey's meatballs are spicy--my mouth may get burnt.
15) Joey may get all freaky on my ass--I will like it.
16) It is necessary to wear a helmet and knee pads through the duration of the night to prevent injury.
17) Sauce is optional.
18) Spanking is not allowed between 11:30 PM and 1:15 AM.
I agree to the above mentioned terms and fully understand them. I am of sound mind and body in signing this contract.