HEY! EVERYBODY! How you doin? This week's "Cooking With Joey" is everyone's favorite Italian favorite... MEATBALLS! I like them spicy, as I'm sure many of my fans do too, so that's how I'm going to prepare them today. First of all, get some meat. Fresh meat, that makes the best meatballs. Then, combine them with some bread crumbs and (fresh) herbs, and then roll them out. I love the big meatballs, big and fresh. So does Lance... that's why he likes me so much, but anyways. Roll your meatballs out nice and slow, ahh, that feels good, uh, I mean, then put them in the pan to start cooking them. Turn the burner on high, oh yes, oh yes, that's it, right there. Oh, I got distracted again. Well, after your meatballs are done cooking, you can dine your finest hoes for the evening. Don't fill them up because they have other meatballs to eat later!
Hey! Welcome to another episode of cooking with Joey! Today, we're making pasta! A great Italian favorite! Now, say you have your finest hoe over for dinner and you REALLY want to impress her before dessert, you could make homemade noodles. But, those take too long! So you just get the pasta in a box, put it on before your hoe arrives and just tell her you've been slaving in the kitchen all day long and that your meatballs are very tired and need some lovin... Lance, what the hell are you doing here?
Lance: Hey Joey! Are you making me pasta tonight?
Joey: No, Lance, now get the hell out! You're ruining my cooking show!
Lance: (whimpers) But Joey... (Lance starts to kick and scream) I WANT THE PASTA!!!
Joey: (Looks bewildered) Well, ok, if you want the pasta that badly....
*Lance jumps on Joey, so happy that he's getting his pasta, that he start frantically humping him. Joey pushes him off... for now...*
Joey: Lance! No humping in public! We need to get you neutered or something.
Lance: Wheee! That sounds like fun!
*Joey gets so frustrated with Lance that he promises him pasta and meatballs later, if he
leaves. Lance gladly accepts Joey's offer.*
Joey: Now back to that pasta! After it comes to a boil, serve with your favorite sauce and your favorite hoe! That ends another interesting episode of Cooking With Joey! Tune in next week!
Hey! Welcome to another episode of cooking with Joey! I am the original Italian Stalion and don't forget it! This week we're making breadsticks! The key is to not make them hard... although hard is good when it comes to other long, edible, delicious things... well, uh, anyways! Back to those breadsticks! I have one of my finest hoes to help me make the breadsticks. Come on out, Nicki!
*Nicki makes her entrance wearing a Kiss Me Joey apron*
Nicki: Hey! Everybody! I'm here to make breadsticks with Joey!
Joey: She's here for more than these breadsticks! Now first, RAISE your dough...
Nicki: I'll raise your dough anyday!
Joey: (Panting) Wow... now um, the dough... yeah, the dough needs raised and then seasoned with fresh herbs. Then you have to roll them into long sticks.
Nicki: I like longs sticks...
Joey: OH! Well, we'll get to that later. After you roll out the big long breadsticks, rub butter or garlic on them... oh my...
*At this point, Nicki has disappeared from view and Joey looks surprised*
Nicki: (Standing up from behind the counter) You dropped your spatula.
Joey: Oh yes, yes, I think I did. Anyways, put the breadsticks in the oven for 15 minutes on 350 degrees. Then serve them to your finest hoes and see if they know what deep-throat means. Hey, Nicki, do you know what deep-throat means?
Nicki: Why, yes, Joey, I do... you wanna find out too?
Joey: Well, YES! This ends another episode of cooking with Joey!